BTG 84 - Loyalty

Welcome to the Breaking the Guard podcast. I'm David Avalon and today this has been pre-taped because I'm going to be in Iceland for the next couple of weeks and uh I'm not sure how strong my internet access is going to be there and I'm going to go to do a lot of hiking, a lot of outdoor things. So, I figured I'll do just u this episode ahead of time and just talk about a topic and keep it on the short side. And the topic that I'm going into today is loyalty. We know a lot is discussed about this how you know we have the term crunch right which basically means a guy who goes to or a person who goes to differentmies and essentially it's not loyal to their home gym or to the instructor whatever the case may be. So, I feel I've been on both sides of this token. I've been the student and I've been the instructor and the coach. So, I'll give you my feedback as to what I feel about this. First off, to me, loyalty is the most important or one of the most important aspects of a relationship. Whether it's with a friend, a spouse, or with a a mentor, an instructor, loyalty is essentially trust and allowing yourself to be invested in each other's success. If you don't have loyalty in a relationship, it's hard to build in it because there's no stability, right? We we need to have one thing that we can agree on, which is that we're going to support each other and we're not going to, you know, stab each other in the back. So, obviously, I feel very strongly about loyalty. It's the one thing in any relationship that if it's not there to me, there is no relationship. I would just drop that person like a bad habit. So that being said, there's different types of relationships, right? And you know, a marital relationship is very different than a marshall one. All right? So I think sometimes people get these things mixed up quite a bit. So u let's talk about the nature of the relationship between a student and an instructor, right? Since we're in the martial arts, the student should be giving their undivided attention to the instructor and doing their best to improve themselves and learn from that instructor, right? The instructor has the responsibility of doing their best to convey whatever wisdom, knowledge, etc. to that student and not short change them in any way. That is the basics of it right which it doesn't say any or I didn't say anywhere that that student must train exclusively with that instructor much like that instructor doesn't have to teach exclusively that person right they are both in a in essence free agents but when they're together they're working 100%. And I'll describe this in a few scenarios. Like one, your casual student. This is a person who works a 9 to5 and he comes after work or before work just to blow off some steam, build some confidence, fitness, and just enjoy himself, right? This person doesn't have aspirations of being a competitor or opening up a gym or anything like that. They just want to have a good time and they enjoy training at the gym. Right? martial arts. That type of student, I don't feel like you could call that person a crunch because they decide to train somewhere else, right? If they want to train at, you know, a school across the street or that's closer to home and they also come to train at your gym, like I said, to me that's a free agent, right? Like I my only responsibility as instructor is to do my best to teach you and if for whatever reason that student feels they could get more value training at other places that's their prerogative. you are getting your transaction which is they're paying you for your services of teaching them and that's about it right they don't had to sign any oath or contract saying that they can't train somewhere else whereas in the old days like in the old days I'm talking about the 90s and early 2000s there were some people doing crazy stuff like that right where they would have them sign things saying that they can't compete against you know uh certain people or they can't, you know, it's pretty bananas, right? But it's not like that now. At least not that I know of. So again, a casual student, I don't see any issue with them training wherever they want. Where it gets a little muddy is if you're a professional or you're a competitor. And I'll say this. If I have a pro alete that trains with me and I am teaching him stuff that, let's say, is proprietary, it's, you know, knowledge that's very important, strategies, uh, that convey game plans that my fighters will be using. Then this uh professional athlete decides to train at another gym and then starts to share all these types of strategies and techniques and tips to another coach or to another gym. That creates a conflict of interest, right? Because now that person could be exposing weaknesses or or our strengths to a future competitor that might end up fighting one of my guys. And imagine if that there as a result of knowing that knowledge they beat one of my fighters that uh obviously would be unfair to my team to allow that to happen. So, as a coach, I do not like my athletes training at other uh gyms and particularly if they're going to be sharing knowledge, which is kind of unavoidable in this game because if you're training somewhere, obviously you're going to be learning something and then you're somewhat compelled to share as well. It's just golden rule type stuff, right? Uh there are exceptions to this, of course. I know uh there if you're obviously out of the the state or out of the region where your gym is at, you obviously need to train. You're going to have to train somewhere. It's not like I would say, okay, you can't do that. But if you have the choice between training at my gym and then the gym next door and you're starting to train next door and at my gym at the same time as a professional athlete, again, that creates problems. one is why would you feel the need to do that and then two obviously is the information sharing. So uh for that reason the nature the relationship between a coach and a professional athlete is different than that from like the recreational uh student. I like I said I've been on both sides of this. When I started wrestling in high school, I wrestled in Miami Killian High School under coach Tiero Vows. And after my first two years, my family moved to uh Weston, which is kind of in Broward, about an hour away. and I felt compelled to continue to go to uh Miami to be able to train at Killian so that I would stay loyal to my coach. I didn't want to switch teams. I didn't even though it would have been a lot more convenient and probably a easier uh route as far as getting to states and all that because that South Miami region the the people who placed in regions the top four were the same that placed in states. So, uh it was very tricky and uh even then I was only like 17. I wanted to stay with my coach because he was a guy that built me up to he's like one of the big people in my life to have shown me hard work and develop a work ethic and sacrifice. I learned that through tears. Uh so my sense of loyalty kept me there. And to be fair, loyalty is two ways. I also got something out of it. Obviously, I felt there's a lot of value in training under tears. So, but that was I would say probably my first experience with loyalty, which is I didn't want to switch schools. Even though it would have been a lot more convenient for me, I stuck to to my school there. Once uh I graduated, my my next instructor was Randy Abera, and we stayed with him until, unfortunately, he moved away, and then my brother and I opened our own gym, and we essentially stayed the same way the whole way through. Uh, so I only had a few coaches really uh coming up that were like, you know, it's I've had people teach me a lot, don't get me wrong, but as like a coach pretty much it was uh tears, Randy, and then my brother and I essentially swapped, you know, uh like he would be my coach during my training camps and that would be his coach during his training camps. Uh so that's where I lie there. Right now as far as students and like I'm just giving you some feedback from my personal experiences whenever I've had students uh that wanted to train at multiple gyms again that we obviously have a big academy in Miami. So that's I'm sure that happens. it's at least that's some population of it and doesn't matter you know it's when it's a professional uh or competitor that typically whenever I've seen that usually that coaching relationship is on the way out uh somebody who feels a need to train at other gyms that are nearby essentially you're not out of the region usually they feel that they've either eclipsed their instructor or that the instructor doesn't know what's best for them or that they need to find other sources of info uh because they're not getting enough at home. In my opinion at least, these are all unfounded. I'm biased, right? But whenever I've seen that tendency, usually it means like this is not going to go too long. The guys that I know that are truly loyal never really care. They have enough faith and trust in their coach that they're that they don't have to look around, right? Just like in this case, it's kind of like a marital relationship or, you know, like a love interest. If you're really invested in your spouse, you're not looking around to who's going to be your next score, right? you already know you have something at home and you're and you're happy with it and you're fulfilled. So, you're not looking, right? When you're looking around or checking people out, you know, that's obviously there's there's something going on, right? That you're not satisfied with what you have, right? So, I feel like if you're with a good coach, you will be satisfied because the the coach, again, it's not a one-way street. It goes both ways. If the student is giving their all as far as showing up to every training session, studying, you know, doing their homework, and obviously uh participating in class, so should the instructor. If an instructor doesn't update their skill set, doesn't go to seminars or doesn't, you know, study tape online or doesn't really answer questions or give feedback to their students, then you're not doing your part as your coach, especially if you're tending to very ambitious athletes and competitors. And then they're naturally going to try to seek other people who are doing that type of work, right? Uh, so again, I'm not trying to say it's all it's always the student's fault. No, like it could be the instructor's fault, right? And I've often said that on the athletes that I have had that fell, you know, off the wayside, it's like that was a coaching era, right? The one thing I tell people, especially when you're dealing with young men, um, is that most fighters are missing a father figure at home or they have some type of parental issues. You could look around, you could ask, and it's it's very rare where you have a happy, healthy home life with a mom and a dad present, and then you have someone that wants to be a professional fighter. It's not I'm not saying everyone is because actually I came from a family that had a mom and dad and they became a fighter instead of my brother. And I have a few, but I would say like maybe like 10%. The 90% the majority usually have some type of missing father figure at home. And as a result, they go to the martial arts for structure. And uh part of that is having a father figure for a young man, someone to model, to teach him morals and and rules for life, if you will. So whether you like it or not, when you're the coach to a pro alete, you're kind of like a dad, right? Uh so that muddies the waters a little bit because now you're not just a coach, you're also kind of like a dad. And that's where like it's kind of a handful to manage especially if you weren't ready to play that role, right? Because just like you can spoil kids, you can spoil athletes and you can get all sorts of issues and jealousy and I've seen it all. Right? And you do have to be somewhat of a psychologist to be able to manage the different personalities in a professional fight gym. Right? Um, I think that's going a little bit out of scope, but it is somewhat involved in here because, uh, some of these things get emotional with fighters and it's partly because of that, right? Um, so it's important to understand that, right? Just keep in mind, uh, if you're a coach that you have to understand that you're dealing with more than just with an athlete. you're also trying to create a better person and you might be coming off as partly as a father figure or at the very least you have like a leader of man just because status because you are leading men and women. Uh so you have to take that role with responsibility. Some people abuse this, right? Uh that that station, that position. And this is where you get people who are like the gym creeps, like the instructors that are like trying to sleep with all their students and stuff like that. Or you get like the more culty in the negative connotation where people have uh their students doing favors for them all over the place that are really out of bounds, right? It's people abusing that that position that you have. It's uh it's a privilege, you know, if you're a coach that you have people who want to model and follow you. So, use it wisely. And again, I'm always trying to think of the golden rule. Treat people as I want to be treated. I want to build people. And it's part of why I got involved into the martial arts into coaching because I got so much from my experience of being a student under tears show and Randy that I wanted to give back and that made me a better person. So, if you're operating with that intent, I feel you'll have a much easier time being genuine and being helpful. And if you have that type of commitment, I feel the loyalty will come naturally because if you're giving that type of commitment and love and generosity to people, it's usually going to be returned. Now, of course, there's always going to be somebody that's going to take advantage, but that's going to be not as often and you're not going to be that concerned with because you're going to be getting so many more people that appreciate what you're doing that you'll be able to benefit from it. But with that being said, again, if we sum up, I believe loyalty is very important. It's the amount of loyalty that someone has towards you and you towards them kind of dictates the strength of that relationship. Uh and again not every relationship has it ups and its downs and the amount of glue that keeps you together is essentially that loyalty that that shared vision that you have for each other. You know, the coach obviously wants their student to become a black belt and be happy and successful and healthy. And the student generally wants to model and be an avatar for the instructor's uh ideology and teaching and show that he appreciates that skill set and passes it on. Right? And it doesn't have to. Like I said, the the student doesn't owe me anything in that regard. Uh I feel it just comes naturally. I know all the coaches I've had, I always want to make them uh proud and give them the credit that they're due, right? Uh, a lot of people, especially in the coaching space, you'll find they get jaded sometimes because they've had so many relationships go sour that they start turning a blind eye to people and they get a little cold. Uh, so even though you may be paying your dues and you know, whatever the case is, it does we're everyone's human, even your your black belt instructor or whatnot. So, it's always good to show them some love and let them know that they're appreciated and that they've made an impact, a positive impact. But, uh, again, capping up again, loyalty is important obviously, but as a recreational student, I don't feel like your loyalty extends like across so many boundaries. is simply just showing up to class, doing your best, and um and likewise, the instructor is doing the same thing. Back in turn, when you're a professional, get my opinion, you shouldn't be shopping around. You shouldn't be going bouncing around to all these different gyms. It's not required to be the best. And I think I I guess I should touch into that a little bit because a lot of people feel like uh you know to be the best martial artist you have to go to all the places of knowledge and soak everything up and train with as many different people as possible. There's kernels of truth in that, right? However, if you're going to be a serious athlete, you need to have a strong uh connection to your coach because again, remember, your coach is going to be your lifeline in a fight. He's the one going to be dictating strategy. He's reviewing tape. He's doing all these things. It's a it's a serious relationship. And you can't have a serious relationship with somebody if you have lots of side checks, right? Like, it just doesn't work. uh the level of trust and commitment is not going to be there if the coach is giving you his all and then you're only giving him your half. He's going to feel unrescrocated and at a certain point they might not uh want to continue with that relationship. So uh I feel that there is of course the value in seeing different approaches and being able to learn from different people sparring at different places. Usually with us as a coach we coordinate all these types of things right. Uh as a coach I want to be the fountain from which everything flows through right? So if my guy needs new faces to spar or body types or whatnot, we bring him in, right? So that the the athlete doesn't have to think and concern himself about managing the growth of his of his skill set and his preparation for the fight. As a coach, you're handling that. You're bringing in new talent. We need to learn new techniques. We'll bring in people uh as part-time coaches to focus on particular aspects which are whether it's wrestling or striking or jiu-jitsu. Right? The coach takes on the responsibility of finding these things, not only improving his athlete but also improving himself at the same time, right? Uh like I said, especially if you have a a very talented uh athlete who is growing quickly, you need to be able to grow with them, not growing separately. If you're just sending your guy off to different places and not working with them, you are becoming more of a manager and less of a coach, right? And there's a value to having a manager as well, of course, but I feel as a coach, I want to be soaking in as much knowledge as possible because my job as a coach is basically basically to filter, right? I will grab as much sources of knowledge as possible and then from that filter it down to the concentrated puress of whatever I feel is the best for my particular athlete. That way, my athlete doesn't have to Google search and YouTube and try to figure out if this particular game plan, this particular technique or this particular strategy is going to be good for him. As a coach, I've done that work, right? And when your athlete trusts and has faith and loyalty into you, it makes a relationship very easy because then basically you're playing on a video game where you have the controller and your athlete is just the avatar. That's a a great way of being able to work with somebody because then they get the full benefit of your skill and experience versus somebody who has to question or think for themselves or seek out knowledge outside of you because then now you're not as valuable as a coach, right? So even though a lot of this sounds like I was bashing on the athlete, it's really pulling on the coach, right? The coach has a lot of responsibility and I think some people once they get to a certain position they feel that they can rest on the laurels and not be the one that has the impetus to grow or the one that has the responsibility. In fact, in my opinion, as you get older, you gain more responsibility because you have more knowledge and more skill. And generally, if you're doing well, you have more people under your tutelage. So, your responsibility only grows uh in my opinion. Anyhow, that's my take on loyalty. I might have sidetracked a little bit, but if you're a coach or you're an athlete maybe thinking about moving around, these are some things perhaps you can consider. Let me know if you found some value in this and thank you. I'll see you guys next